What I’ve Learned About Identity Beyond the Game

When I walked away from basketball, it felt like losing a piece of myself. For so long, the title of “athlete” defined who I was. It gave me structure, purpose, and a sense of belonging. But when that label was no longer mine, I was left with an overwhelming question: Who am I now?

At first, I thought I had to figure it all out immediately. I tried to dive into new ventures, telling myself I was learning, growing, and working hard. But the truth? I wasn’t showing up the way I needed to for myself. I wasn’t truly trying. I couldn’t even look in the mirror and honestly say I had given my best effort. And because I wasn’t fully trying, I couldn’t even embrace failure—it wasn’t real failure if I hadn’t truly put myself out there. I had so many things to figure out that I ended up figuring out nothing at all.

It was messy. It was frustrating. And it was humbling. But it was also the start of something transformational.

Sitting With the Discomfort

One of the hardest things I had to do during this period was sit with my feelings. I had to take a deep, honest look in the mirror and admit to myself that I wasn’t giving my all. I had to stop trying to rush the process, to stop expecting myself to go from being lost to fully reinvented overnight.

When I first started playing basketball as a kid, I wasn’t “all in” on day one. I had school, other hobbies, and lots of distractions. I had to grow into my identity as a basketball player. So why was I expecting myself to have everything figured out the moment I stepped away from the game?

The truth was, I needed to lean into my new reality. At the time, I was living in Japan with my husband, and I realized that instead of fighting to force progress, I needed to embrace where I was. I had an incredible opportunity to experience life in a way I never could as a professional athlete.

During my playing career, I rarely had the chance to enjoy the places I traveled to. It was always game-day prep, practice, and recovery. But now, I had the freedom to explore. I visited incredible cities like Osaka, Kyoto, and Okinawa. I immersed myself in the culture, tried new foods, and even took my first ski trip at Mt. Fuji—a lifelong dream I’d never been able to pursue because basketball always came first.

By giving myself permission to embrace the moment instead of rushing through it, I started to feel grounded again. I stopped trying to force a new identity and began rediscovering the things I loved outside of basketball.

Redefining My Identity

Over time, I began to see that stepping away from basketball wasn’t the end of my story—it was the beginning of a new chapter. I started asking myself deeper questions: What do I value? What do I want my life to look like? What kind of impact do I want to make?

These weren’t easy questions to answer, and they didn’t come with immediate clarity. But what I realized is that the process of asking these questions is where the transformation happens. Little by little, I began to piece together a new sense of self—one that wasn’t tied to the title of “athlete” but was instead rooted in who I truly am.

I discovered new passions, like mental performance coaching, that allowed me to channel the lessons I’d learned as an athlete into helping others. I leaned into my role as a partner, supporting my husband’s career and experiencing life together in ways we never had time for before. I rediscovered my love for adventure and began saying yes to experiences I’d always dreamed of but never prioritized.

This process wasn’t about replacing my identity as an athlete—it was about expanding it. I wasn’t “losing” who I was; I was building on it.

Practical Tips for Redefining Yourself

If you’re navigating this same journey, here are a few things I’ve learned along the way:

Give Yourself Permission to PauseYou don’t need to figure everything out all at once. It’s okay to take a step back, reflect, and simply be. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is give yourself space to process and reset.
Reconnect with What Brings You JoyWhat are the things you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for? Whether it’s traveling, trying a new hobby, or simply spending time with loved ones, lean into the activities that make you feel alive.
Ask the Hard QuestionsWhat do you value? What lights you up? What kind of life do you want to create? Journaling can be a powerful tool for exploring these questions. Write without judgment, and let your thoughts flow freely.
Embrace Being a BeginnerStarting over is humbling, but it’s also exciting. Let yourself make mistakes, learn, and grow. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect—you just have to keep showing up.

Why This Journey Matters

Losing the “athlete” label felt like losing a piece of myself, but what I’ve come to realize is that I am so much more than that. And so are you. Your worth isn’t tied to a title, a role, or a game—it’s tied to who you are at your core.

I share this story because I know how isolating this transition can feel. But I also know that there’s so much beauty and potential on the other side. Redefining yourself isn’t about leaving your past behind; it’s about taking all the lessons, values, and experiences you’ve gained and using them to create a life that feels true to who you are now.

Takeaway

You’re more than an athlete. Let’s figure out who you are together.